Under Construction

I did not want to write this message. I don’t mean this particular message. I just mean that I didn’t want to write one at all. I didn’t want to be bothered. I didn’t have a message in mind. I’m exhausted. I’ve been battling an infection for two weeks. The weather has turned miserably cold and wet, which always has an ill effect on my mood. I hate that I struggle so much, seasonally. It makes me feel weak and out of control of my own emotions. It doesn’t help that I live in an area that is cold and miserable more often than not. I am bothered by my own complaining about it, because truly someone who resides in Buffalo, should come to expect the sudden and drastic season changes, but the emotions, and heaviness that I can’t seem to shake until spring are more complicated than simply just deciding to be in a better mood. I truly hate feeling this way. The other day, staring out the kitchen window, I actually had tears in my eyes, watching green leaves fall from the trees. Our fall is so brief, and so fleeting, that we often don’t even get to experience its full beauty. This fills me with such a sad heaviness that suddenly really small, daily tasks seem incredibly difficult.    

After some whining to my husband last night, about how I just wanted to crochet, or read, or go to bed, for goodness sake, and I didn’t want to have to write this message, I began to do the dishes in a rare bit of silence, as the kids were getting ready for bed. A blast from the past song began playing in my head, from when I used to homeschool our children. There was a musical part of our curriculum, which included some fun nursery rhyme jingles, as well as some children’s Christian songs. I can still picture my little ones singing this with me, with their sweet hand gestures:  

Sometimes the simple Sunday school songs for children surprise me the most with their depth. Listen, we are complex beings, with complex bodies, minds, and emotions. God created the moon and sun, the stars and the earth, and all its inhabitants in a single week. It was a set it and forget it moment, like when I throw dinner in the crock pot and walk away. He made it, and saw that it was good. 

But with us, made in His image, He did not walk away. He created us with purpose and meaning, not to leave us to our own devices, but with the intent of walking with us, in our hearts; shaping our journey, molding our minds and our lives, if we so choose. He never promised it would be easy. Complex things never are. But He promised to be with us if we let Him. 

And this simple children’s ministry song, is a powerful reminder to extend grace to others as well as ourselves. Don’t be so hard on yourself. No one has it all together. We’re all struggling with something. Whatever it is you are going through is real, but you are not alone. The Potter is still molding His clay. Know that He is God, and you are not. Lean into Him that much harder during difficult emotions. While unfinished and under construction, instead of beating yourself up about it, learn to take rest in the Master’s hands.