People are imperfect. We just are. People will hurt you. Some might hurt you intentionally, without remorse. Some might hurt you unintentionally, over and over, unaware or oblivious of the consequences of their actions. Some of those same people just plain and simply cannot emotionally handle the responsibility of your pain. What do I mean by this? Simply put, telling them that you have been hurt by their actions can do irreparable harm to the relationship, because they are not equipped to receive it. Most of the time, they are so completely unaware that they’ve hurt you, that they feel blindsided or attacked. They become defensive, say more hurtful things they may not even mean, or try to blame you for your own hurt feelings. I have learned, many times over, that open and honest communication about how someone has made you feel, is really difficult to do without doing more damage than good.
Listen, you cannot control your feelings any more than you can control how others react to them, but you can control your own reactions. And while this is a topic I could go on and on about, in many different directions, I am only going to focus on one for now.
Forgive them anyway.
They don’t have to say they’re sorry. And while every situation will vary, I would even go so far as to say, they don’t even have to know they’ve hurt you. Contrary to those quotes you see being shared all over the internet about friends who don’t deserve your forgiveness, you will never regret showing love and kindness. You will never regret extending grace and forgiveness where it wasn’t asked of you. You will never regret loving someone during some of their unlovable moments.And I get it. I really do. I understand that everyone has their breaking point. I get that everyone has the right to their feelings. I understand that some wounds cut really deep.
But here’s the thing. When you near the end of your life, the regrets you will have will never revolve around the love and forgiveness you offered. The regrets you will have, will be about the relationships you lost when you refused.
Christ died for all, knowing the sin in this world, and knowing that many of those He was dying for, had never sinned against Him…yet. He died for those who had not asked for forgiveness, and even those who had yet to show remorse.
I am not perfect. I have hurt people. I have said and done things without thinking, and I have sinned against God without thinking about how that might have made Him feel. Based on the rules of this world, I do not deserve His love and forgiveness. None of us do. But He has extended it to us anyway.
Forgive anyway. It may be undeserved. They may have no remorse. They may not even know that they have hurt you, but Jesus never said to only forgive the forgivable.