God of our Plans

Last week, I touched on our gifts and talents, and how we should not lose heart in pursuit of our dreams.  I told you a little bit about my background as a basketball player. This week, I’d like to talk to you about what happens when we have to leave those dreams behind.My gifts, hard work, and dedication, got me as far as a Division I college scholarship, only to become hurt and unable to complete my career, less than half way through my four years.

I will keep this brief for the sake of time, but any of you who have ever spent years; more than a decade even, working toward a very specific goal, know very well the disappointment and devastation that occurs when it is all so rapidly stripped from you. I will tell you, without exaggeration, that I felt like I was grieving the loss of a very close loved one. I was depressed. I was angry. And I was unable to turn to the one thing that provided therapy to me whenever I was hurting in the past; basketball.

Fortunately, at the very same time I was going through this life altering change, where every priority and every goal had to take a major shift, I found Jesus.

Now, listen, knowing Jesus did not spare me the heartache of this process. It did not suddenly take away all of my pain. If I am being honest, sometimes it made it harder. It left me with questions without answers.

Why would You give me such passion, such drive, such talent, only to stop me short? 

What was the point of it all? I felt you leading me and guiding me in the pursuit of this dream, even before I really knew you. Why would you take it away? 

Ok, I have repented. I am so sorry I put basketball first in my life for so long! But I get it now! Why won’t you heal me and restore my career? 

I felt broken, and I didn’t even know who I was anymore, without this one thing I was inexplicably good at.

But I also felt God’s presence. Instead of allowing my anger to distance myself from Him, I turned to Him. I cried to Him. I expressed that anger and hurt, and was even honest with Him about my doubts and questions for Him. It’s not like I could hide it from Him anyway!

The whys are not always for us to know, but I do believe that in our brokenness, He will sometimes give us little glimpses.

Just less than a decade after my basketball career ended, I began homeschooling my first 2 children. I hadn’t worked outside the home since having children, and though we had a tight budget, and went through some serious financial struggles, I didn’t need to. You see, the one thing that separated me from my working mom friends (who really wanted to stay home, but couldn’t afford to),  was student loans.

 

A big WHAT IF, popped into my head. What if my dream for a basketball career was never meant to be about basketball? What if my basketball goals were always meant for something more? 

Most of us have more than one dream, right? My word I loved basketball! But I always wanted to be a mommy too. In one dream I had an awesome career in basketball; however, in my dreams of motherhood, I was never working. We are taught that God can use anything for good, and anything to glorify His name. He can use our very own dreams and goals as tools  for His divine will. What if my brief college basketball career was designed to set me up as the wife and mother He called me to be, for the children He planned for me to have? This not only effects my life, but the lives of generation after generation which my children, grandchildren, great grandchildren will be a part of. 

Dreams can change. Dreams can adapt. Dreams can be bigger than you ever imagined. Leaving a dream behind can hurt. We are not always privy to the bigger picture. In fact, we rarely see what is beyond those dreams, but the fact is, our earthly dreams are never meant to be anything other than temporary. You may not be able to see the bigger picture.  Fix your eyes on Jesus. It will be difficult to let go of that dream you’ve held onto for so long, but you won’t want to miss it when He hands you a new one.