This morning, I got up much earlier than the kids, as I do every Monday morning, so that I may meet with God, pray, read His word, and seek His guidance in what I should say today. I felt the entire hour was wasted. By the time the kids began coming downstairs, I had nothing of importance written down. The chaos of a Monday morning took over. The youngest wet the bed, and she has a headache and fever; symptoms of what had turned into the flu for my son last week. I rushed to get her bed cleaned, do my oldest daughter’s hair, and get the older three ready to meet the bus. After they left, I made my youngest more comfortable, got her Gatorade, gave her some Tylenol, and wrapped her in blankets to watch her favorite show.
With PJ Masks on in the background, my Bible app yet again ready on my phone, and my Bible at my fingertips, I sat down again to deliver a message…a message of…what exactly? I felt like a such a fraud, sitting here trying to fake my way through a positive, encouraging message, when I haven’t felt at all positive or encouraged lately. I have been absorbing a lot of sadness recently, from the repetitiveness of life’s hamster wheel, to illnesses and diagnoses of aquaintances, friends, and family, to tragic deaths. I have felt the heaviness of it all deeply, and with that, a heavy silence from God. Ironically, as I sat here worrying about what I would write, and the truth of all of this occurred to me, I felt a stirring from God in the silence. Tell them that.
Really, God? I’m supposed to sit here and tell them how I have nothing to say?
And then He encouraged me with this scripture.
I do not believe that Jesus only meant that while He was physically walking the earth. He said, while I am in the world, and He is in the world. He is in us. I know He is in me, and while I have been struggling in darkness and silence, I had forgotten that. As long as that light is within us, He still walks this earth. As long as that light is within me, it cannot be silenced.
So I write today, to share with you the realness of feeling that darkness and silence surround you. I write today to remind you that the greatest light of this world lives within you. And I write today, because the devil told me I had nothing of value to share, and God called him a liar.